Hello, autumn – my favorite season.
A time when I can peacefully be in my cocoon, eat pastries, drink tea, and enjoy the guilt-free pouring rain outside the window. I’ve realized that summer is just too overstimulating for me – too much going on, too hot, and too bright. Yes, I know that in the middle of winter I’ll read all of this and cry into my pillow, but right now it’s autumn. And it’s simply the best time.

Ironically, my birthday falls in summer, and at some point, the clock ticked over to age 32. And I’ve been celebrating this year all year long: bringing home national freediving records, creating art, doing tattoos, experiencing and organizing events, traveling, laughing and crying with friends. This year, I truly came to understand how aging is a privilege. Yes, being neurodivergent puts some limitations on me that I wouldn’t voluntarily choose, but I’ve managed to surround myself with people who willingly take those into account.

It’s already been two years since I received my official AuDHD diagnosis. I feel like my grieving process has come to an end and the creative floodgates are wide open. Freediving is a hobby that has helped me immensely – both physically and mentally. Especially with my emotional and sensory challenges. That experience has helped me understand my brain and body better, which in turn strongly supports my creative process. Thanks to that, I’ve found the courage to fully pursue painting, events, and other creative ventures. All of this together has given me a huge amount of time to think.

So, I wrote down 32 things I’ve learned in life. But instead of writing a whole book right now, I’ll share just 3 + 2 = 5 thoughts that are with me every day:

1. Do your thing unapologetically, even if others don’t get it.

I’ve realized that even when I tried to create things to help others understand me better, it was always like shooting myself in the foot. People who choose not to understand you will go full volume with their hands over their ears. It doesn’t matter what you say or do. Whether it’s out of jealousy, insecurity, or something else – it doesn’t matter. Neurodivergent people fall into deep depression when they can’t express their views or dive into their special interests. Our brains are intense and need direction: they will choose either people’s negativity or creativity. The spiral must move somewhere. So push it in the right direction!

Create things that make sense to you and bring you joy. The right people will come who want to be a part of that. Good energy is magnetic. When others see you doing something beautiful, they’ll want to join. And the others? Let them be where they are. That’s their issue, not yours.

 

Liisa Addi “Open Studio” event.

 

2. When people belittle you, it says more about them than about you.

My biggest fear in life has always been – humiliation. What could be worse? Until one day I realized that people project their own insecurities. Everyone carries shame. And shame is always something that someone else gave you. If you don’t work through your shame, you just pass it on, again and again. One endless mountain of shame. When I realized that those who belittle me are living lives I would never choose for myself, they lost all their power over me. I’ve made friends with my shame – I know my weaknesses and flaws. Now, when someone tries to humiliate me, I take it as a compliment: “I took up so much space in your head that your shame got hit.” And that’s not my problem – it’s theirs.

 

“Osta Noort Kunsti” art auction piece “Swimming upstream.”

 

3. You can’t lift others up, but others can drag you down.

Think about the last time you made a change in your life: changed jobs, started dressing more boldly, or took up a hobby you’ve dreamed of. Did you do it because someone told you to? Maybe they inspired you, but the decision was yours. Changing yourself is already incredibly hard – changing someone else is even harder. At best, we can inspire. But dragging someone down is easy. We all remember a sentence or a person who left a thorn in our heart for life. So: choose the people around you. Let yourself be inspired – not pulled under.

 

“The Cowboy Plague” group show at Bästard.

 

4. Stand up for your needs.

Hello, all people-pleasers! I know… it seems like this is a lesson we’ll be learning for the rest of our lives. Like a book that never ends. But the good news is – it’s like a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger it gets. We’ve been taught that expressing our needs means we’ll be left alone. Yes, we will be left alone by the people who actively mistreat us. And all together now, out loud: “We don’t want people like that around us!” We want people around us who respect us as we are.

Everyone has needs. There’s no such thing as a person without them. And there are many people in the world for whom your needs will seem the most logical and valid thing ever. But to find them, we have to make space in our lives. If we spend all our precious resources on people who consciously mistreat us, the good ones can’t get close.

 

“Native Estonian Cattle” polymer clay figurine.

 

5. Live now as if you’re already living your dream life.

Think about your current life and your dream life. What’s the difference between the two? For me, it’s about being able to rest as much as I need, spending time in a horizontal position. I used to constantly shame myself for how much more rest I need than others. What if I just pushed myself hard enough – would I get used to not resting? Read that sentence out loud and you’ll see how ridiculous it sounds.

I’ve actively started prioritizing sleep, lying under a weighted blanket, daytime naps, and just rolling around on the floor.
That’s how I have the energy to create good art and maintain meaningful friendships and work relationships.
Nothing changes the fact that I am autistic and have ADHD. An autistic brain means, in short: way more neural connections than average, and ADHD means: a massive dopamine deficiency. That equals constant overstimulation and exhaustion.
I have to design a life that suits this complex brain. And rest is the foundation of that entire setup.

There’s still a lot to learn about myself. And sometimes grief still bounces off the wall and straight into my face, reminding me of the bricks I’ve carried around my feet my whole life. But I constantly remind myself: I was strong enough not to sink with them.
Choosing life and beauty actively, every day, is a force like the ocean: it flows through everything.